LoginRegister
Home » Stories » Frozen Youth » Book 1 » Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A Slight Difference

You know. The first thing you look at when you see someone very much like you is how they are different. You notice all those little details that make them unlike you. I guess the human mind must really hate it when it's individuality is questioned. So that's what I did.

Her skin may have looked slightly paler, then again, I wasn't so sure about my own. But she had the same auburn hair as I did, the same slight build. Even the same stance. It was creepy.

Very creepy.

She seemed to change as she moved. She must have intentionally mimicked me before to get my attention. She certainly succeeded there. She moved with her own grace across the street. It felt much longer than it actually did for her to cross the street and speak.

"Hello Amy."

How did she? How did... Well, even the strange thing that changed me, knew my name. I tried to rationalize everything. Get a grip on the whole situation.

"Eh... Hello, who are you?"

I wanted to sound more certain. To sound stronger. But to be honest, all of this still had me shaking. I'm not sure if I even wanted an answer as it slowly occurred to me she was the same. A vampire.

"I'm Khuna and yes, I'm like you. You should come with me, there is a lot I need to explain to you before you do something... bad."

The way she said "bad" made it sound like I'd kill someone or something.

Oh wait... She had a point. I didn't want to be just dragged along by the first vampire who just happens to look... a... lot... like... me. I looked at her again. Even with her moving in her own way and not copying my movements, it was still disconcertingly similar to myself.

"No, I don.."

"You have to come, I'm sure you're very surprised by everything, but you can't speak to your parents like this. Not before you've fed. Things could go horribly wrong."

Try as I might, I couldn't think of any valid points against that reasoning. And try I did. But... I didn't want to hurt my parents more than I probably already did. There is no way I could tell them this. 'Hi mom, I've changed into a vampire so I have to live in a crypt somewhere. Bye!'

I sighed and nodded. "Okay."

She took my hand, feeling slightly coldish and took me to a place not far from my house. Though, as I started thinking about it I wasn't that sure we didn't move far. It was very odd, in a way my body moved very natural, graceful and much faster than I was used to. But my eyes and ears had become so much more intense that I still noticed each and every detail as if I was just slowly pacing my way down the street.

We stopped in front of a pub or something. She turned towards me.

"You need to drink."

It shook me awake as she spoke, I noticed her voice definitely(fortunately!) not like mine. I nodded even though the real implication hadn't even sunk in yet. But it did. Blood.

"Drink... blood?"

She nodded.

"I can't... I've never, I never would... I don't want to hurt anyone!"

I panicked. Though the new powers were... well... cool I guess. Drinking blood and killing another human being definitely wasn't on my fun-list. I would never be able to do it. Not kill, not take a life, not..

"You don't have to." She spoke with a clear honest voice. Shaking me out of my thoughts and getting my full attention. "If you will listen I can teach you to take blood and give them pleasure, even heal them slightly if you want to. You don't have to hurt or kill anyone."

I just looked at her, wide-eyed and shocked. She spoke of it as if we were getting an ice cream or something, the most normal thing in the world.

Something strange happened to me. My body ached for something. I felt a deep thirst from within that almost blinded me. I wanted blood. I needed blood. I needed blood NOW!

  • Slap!*

I looked up at Khuna as she'd just slapped me. I never saw it coming.

"Don't. You'll become a beast. You have to drink soon, but you'll have to know how."

She took my face in her hands and looked me straight in the eyes. "Wait here." It was a statement, not a question. I almost froze with compliance, unsure of what she was going to do but very sure I didn't want to hurt anyone. I felt the strange primal need just now and had no desire to feel it again and lose control. I stayed there, lost in my thoughts as she went into the pub.

I had thought about killing. My flashes of drinking blood included me gloriously standing over a corpse as a victor. Draining it of it's life completely as it filled and renewed my own. The dream was vivid, real. I could taste the bittersweet flavour of blood in my mouth even though I'd rarely tasted it. Felt the burning desire in my chest again as the thirst grew. Khuna help me!

I saw her coming back out of the pub already, a young boy in tow. He didn't look like us, I guess he was just a normal person.

It dawned on me only when she was right in front of me with him next to her. I was going to feed on him!

Comments

leightje
4 years ago
feedback - "even the strange thing that changed me knew my name." It should have a comma after 'me'. The sentence doesn't read very well now.

"I still didn't just want to be dragged along." The still should go, that sentence is wrong. Read it again.

"I could taste the bittersweet taste of blood in my mouth even though I'd rarely tasted it."
The second taste should go.
Nimja
4 years ago
Happy with the feedback. Thanks for pointing them out.
A.
4 years ago
faster then is faster than?
Nimja
4 years ago
Then/Than - A simple mistake of me. It's than for comparisons, then for time.

So then we arrived faster than the others.
A.
4 years ago
You might want to check your following then's.
lineke
4 years ago
like me - you ended chapter two with "like me?"
it's repeated a couple of times.
a bit later (i'm afraid to use the word then/than)
" as it slowly occurred to me she was like me."
she already thought that 4 times...
you can't take it out because of the mind reading but maybe change the sentence
Nimja
4 years ago
Change - Changed it slightly. Still, I don't see that many "like me"s
lineke
4 years ago
like me - you write: 4 times she sees a connection between her and the other girl, after 4 times of noticing you can't say: "as it slowly occurred to me she was the same"
it didn't slowly occur... she already saw it several times.
"like me..."
" someone very much like "
"same auburn hair as I did, the same slight build"
that's 4 things alike
Nimja
4 years ago
True - I see what you mean now. I'll let it stay for now though.
Stormy
4 years ago
Chapter 3 - It's a bit convenient for Khuna to be there...I guess we'll find out why later.

I liked the repetition of "like me" - it made it resonate, as well as opening up the possibility that Khuna was using that as a method of distraction to hide something else. Maybe.
Nimja
4 years ago
We'll see - Aren't we all pawns of fate?

Reply