My mind tried to wrap itself around the concept. Part of me had known that Janus and Kai were very alike, but the same person? It just didn't feel possible. But Janus knew and protected me? How does that even work.
My mind tried to slowly work it out.
Imagine identical twins.
They look alike, obviously. But they're not the same person. They dress differently, do their hair differently and even walk differently. One might be more shy, the other more extrovert. And of course the shyer one gets, the more extravagant the other gets. You never see both of them at the same time, but you simply know that they are different people.
Then you have to get your mind around the idea that they aren't.
And see them change in front of you for the first time.
The picture started to become clear.
A person isn't just a body, a person is a sort of ... complex image we have in our mind. Once the image changes, we become a different person. Like someone returning from a war, changed forever.
But imagine a mind which doesn't hold one image, but several. They wouldn't be able to show themselves all at once, that would be too hard on the body. Muscles would tense up against each other, nerves fighting against each other...
So, the battle is fought in the mind. Like a multi-directional teeter-totter with shifting weight, personalities... come and go. They each have their own memory and mannerisms, but the outside doesn't change. If you weren't paying attention you wouldn't even notice until it was too late.
And they could hurt you.
Imagine loving one of the twins...
But only one.
The other could act like the one and make you believe it is the one you love. But it isn't. Then that twin can toy with your mind, disappointing you, hurting you, completely grinding your heart and soul to a fine pulp because that twin could take the place of someone already there.
But the worst thing is...
It's not a twin, it's the same person. So you can't become angry, you can't exactly hold them responsible. They are, but they are not.
To anyone, it'd be easier to accept it's all just fake. They just act like it so they can do whatever they want without consequences.
If only it was that simple.
I've felt Janus and I've definitely felt the difference with Kai. It's not acting like someone else, it's being someone else.
It was scary.
"Amy?" Kai interrupted my thoughts. Yes, it was Kai.
"Are you alright?"
I nodded slowly. "I think so, I'm trying to figure it all out in my head. I really thought you were two people who just looked alike a lot. You both act so differently."
Kai nodded. "I know. And worst of it is that I have no memories of what he does. If you hadn't told me, it would have been very long until I'd thought of it."
I took a deep breath. "But..." I sighed.
"Please don't tell the others."
"They haven't seen Janus as you have and I'd rather not place this burden on their minds. I..." He hesitated for a moment. "I've lost enough friends over this. I don't want to do this to them."
I took a deep breath. It was his choice and it wasn't my place to say something about it. Maybe later, when there were less things on our minds I would ask Kai to rethink his position. Something in me wondered if things like this happened without reason, that it was something genetic or that it only happens to people with something in their past that broke their various aspects into fragments that become whole persons by themselves.
Kai looked at me expectantly.
I smiled to ease his mind. "I won't say a thing."