Page 4Making choices

Now I felt a lot more normal. Shoes on my feet, clothes that didn't appear to be in danger of falling apart and finally, finally, the warm soothing flow of being filled with new blood. The beast inside was now sated and didn't bother me anymore. Though I felt it a little below the surface. I knew it would be back but I also didn't worry. I'd seen it now and this was probably the worst it could do, for now.

My next order of business was finding out when it was. I felt stupid for only thinking about it now, as it would have been easy to find a magazine or newspaper in the woman's home. But there were plenty of other ways to get the date. The night was still fairly young. There was of course also the matter of where I was going to sleep when dawn would come, but since it was early I decided to take a look around first.

I wanted to feel comfortable in my own city again, though I constantly felt something was, well, off. It wasn't too bad though, I could walk the streets in relative ease, not being noticed too much by anyone else. Even when i got further into the city it didn't appear to be too crowded. I'd found a newspaper on the ground though, one that didn't look too old. It had been raining so I presumed it was today's.

Monday, the first of June.

That meant I had slept a little over fifteen months, a little longer than I expected. Did anyone miss me in all that time? I knew my mother would have. But she was stronger than I often gave her credit for. How about the others. Those I'd shared many moments with. Did I want to go back to them now after being gone so long? Part of me, a large part, wanted to run back to them, embrace them and go back to how things were before. But I knew I would be missing one thing that was vital to me now.

Myself.

I looked back at the newspaper to check for anything that might be important. The front page wasn't, at least, it was just another sensationalist story about leaders meeting here or there and other things I didn't really care about before or now. The third page had something interesting, or rather very important. The library had suffered a big fire. The books weren't as badly hurt as the entrance area. A strange fire had started at the door, and mostly just destroyed the desk and the balconies. The report spoke about the money being sought for restoration of the building to it's former beauty.

It made me feel some pain. I'd always enjoyed the library. But soon something else on the page attracted my attention.

"Thefts on the rise in Mareana"

There was a little photograph of the city next to the article and I felt immediately drawn to it. It was a harbor city, a large semi-circle facing the ocean. It'd been so long since I had last seen or felt it. There was a word in the article screaming for my attention, but I couldn't quite place it. It was just a boring article about how prime sea-side front had lowered in value because of a rise of thefts, but that no deeper plot was suspected, as more than just the houses at the shore itself were being stolen from. In fact, the writer of the article could have done a little more effort to make it at least slightly entertaining. Maybe saying things like 'Thieves not afraid of wet feet' or something like that and focus on the odd rise rather than the housing market.

But, I supposed, that was important for people too.

Folding the newspaper neatly, well as was still possible, I threw it away in the nearest trash-can. At least I was keeping the streets clean. Cleaner, anyway. With a bit of hesitation I moved further into the city and was not entirely surprised to find it fairly empty. It was Monday after all, not that many people went for a drink after school or work on a Monday. It was the start of a new week and there would be plenty to do. I didn't want to go in anyway. I had not much money and, more importantly, I was already full. Maybe I wouldn't have to drink for the next few days, that would be nice.

The feral nature inside me had scared me a little.

Almost automatically I walked the streets towards Hitori's apartment. I wasn't even aware what I was doing until I noticed the Jazz club on the corner. I stopped there. Did I want to see Hitori and, possibly, others or not?

Why was I so hesitant about this?

I felt myself moving back into the shadows on the other side of the street. Almost invisible to the world but perfectly able to see everything. It was better to think here rather than exposed. If Hitori or anyone else was around and saw me, they would ask questions or hugs that I was unsure of answering. I felt I needed to find myself first before I went back to those elements of my current... after... former... life.

Maybe it was because I'd chosen to sleep and chosen to wake up like this. My first drink had been uninterrupted and my first steps, leaps and mistakes had been seen nor judged by anyone. Maybe that is why I felt the blood so strongly inside of me. For the first time I felt it had been fully me that had taken it. Not to fight, not to be with someone, not to rescue or help someone else. Purely for me.

And now I realized why that felt so good.

And so dangerous.

People were coming out of the club, but no one I knew was among them. Some fragments of conversation drifted towards me on the warm late spring air. They were meaningless to me, names of people and places I didn't know, events that I had no knowledge of. Still, it was fascinating just to listen. Though I only heard fragments, I pieced as much as I could together and smiled at their lives. That was kind of what I wanted, just normal events for a while. Talking about beating someone in pool as being important, for example.

No, I didn't want to see Hitori yet. I wanted to be myself first. But I wasn't quite sure how. But where would I go?

I turned to the shadows and walked away. Alone, but not lonely.

The day has not been kind to me, forgive my, my readers, as I call it a night.