Page 59Wake

A bed. Such a simple luxury but one so under-appreciated. Only when one has been without for a while, will one realize how invaluable a bed really is. Not that this was the best bed I'd ever slept in, but certainly pleasant. The mattress was just a little bit hard and felt a little stuffy, but I didn't mind much. It was a bed after all.

For a moment I thought that Khuna would come in and wake me up, telling me it was already past sunset and that I shouldn't sleep in.

Though I knew she was dead, it was much more important to me to remember the good moments. The times she made me smile, giggle or even blush. The one time she really made me cry was irrelevant. I had my memories and no one could take them away from me save time itself. And time, cruel mistress though she was perceived, did not have any desire for good or evil. It was just there.

I got up and took a soft, short shower. It was no more, in a sense, than simply stepping underneath the flowing water and barely getting wet. It freshened me up though. A quick dry and clothing myself was enough to get myself ready for the night. I remembered where the warehouse was from last night and wanted to visit it.

But first something else.

New clothes.

While it sounded stupid, perhaps, I wanted simple, cheap clothes that I could use for going places I shouldn't. Preferably simple tight black pants and shirt. A sports-bra wouldn't hurt either. The shoes and backpack could stay and black socks weren't really a problem. In fact, with such a simple shopping list, I should have been able to get it done fairly quickly.

Mostly.

As I walked through the city, I realized how useful it had been to look at the map and satellite pictures. Where once I just went with my sense of direction, my memory was now supplying me with alternative routes, even rooftop ones. Though top down pictures didn't show height of buildings, it was easily combined with what I could see from the streets until my head had a fairly complete image of the whole neighborhood.

The store I wanted to go to, a very cheap one, was still open when I got there. I didn't have long though, a glance at their opening hours told me they would close within the hour. It was easy to find the tight shirt and sports bra. The pants proved to be a little more troublesome. In the end I had to go for black imitation riding pants. They were stretchy and of a fairly strong fabric, so they would do. Of course they weren't displayed with the other more normal pants, which caused some confusion. For good measure I also bought a few socks and panties so the set would be complete. While it was summer, I wouldn't need much clothes.

Not that I ever felt cold because of the weather.

It already felt normal to pay for them now. Part of me wondered if I should keep track of how much money I had, but I never really cared much for money anyway. If I had it, nice, if I didn't, no matter. People who worry about money usually forget about everything else. A silly thing to do.

At least I didn't have to worry about my phone bill.

After I got the clothes, I went to my room, removed the price tags and tried them on. They fitted fine. It was less nice than my other clothes, but very practical. And the outfit, when I turned out the lights, hid me quite nicely in the shadows. At least that's what I presumed. It was a little hard to tell, as the shadows held no secrets to me.

It was a bit of a downside, actually. Shadows defined shapes and added mystery and though I still saw them, some of the mystery and secrecy in those shapes were gone. Never did I think someone was in a corner looking at me, because I could just look at it and verify that it wasn't. No monsters underneath my bed (just in it).

on the other hand, it did allow me to see some of the monstrosities that people hide inside. The devils in the details, the evil in the motivations. But, I suppose, I romanticised it all to cope with it. People usually aren't inherently evil or hateful, they're just selfish. The lack of considering the feelings of others didn't make their actions evil, just the effects of them.

Was I evil?

I had no notion of how far the ripples of the waves I caused would go. I'm sure Seriph had a deeper plan for what she asked of me. There was probably something simple tying it all together. And I wasn't hurting people with my actions, as far I knew and definitely not on purpose. There was something exhilarating in doing something that was wrong according to the law or some cultural morals. And besides, going into a warehouse and taking something wasn't any worse than stealing a book from the headmaster in school.

Possibly even less bad, as I actually knew who I was stealing from in the latter.

My backpack was almost empty now, with just some minor tools and my diary (I still didn't like leaving it anywhere), and very light. But even in movement it didn't make any noise. It was very useful and still one of the best things I've bought with my money. I headed out into the city for two reasons. To drink blood and scope out the place I was supposed to sneak into.

I decided that I didn't want to go in there just yet, just see what it was like and make a plan.

Also, I didn't want to go into a pub to feed tonight. I wanted to see who fate would deliver in my humble arms.

I wasn't exactly dressed for success, though that depended completely on perception. In these clothes, my curves at least got a lot of attention. In my more feral state, I was definitely learning to love my own body. It was agile, strong, sexy, lovely and mine. Even in these drab clothes couldn't hide my beauty.

I smiled grimly as I left the apartment. I still wasn't very good at fooling myself, but honest appreciation was following the mocking.

Eventually.

Learn to love one self before one tries to love others. This is true for a lot of things.