Page 86Irregular tears

As I sat there, someone walked up to me. It was surprising, to me, that anyone even could. But there she was. A girl with hair so blond it looked white, and eyes dark and mysterious as the ocean. And blue. It was odd, it took me a few moments to recognize her, despite having seen her a few times before. And I even knew her name.

Grace.

"You're not looking that great."

I looked up, feeling lost and more than a little confused. "Why are you here?"

She sat down next to me. "That's not very nice."

I sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm having a really weird night."

She smiled kindly. "I can see that. Did you fall or something?" She looked at my clothes and glanced at my hands. Her smile never left her face, but there was definitely an undertone of concern in her voice. I didn't know she cared, it came a bit as a shock to me. Though I was much too shaken to really feel it.

But I sighed again. "Yes, you could say that. From a place I didn't know I could fall."

"Perhaps you needed to fall to feel who you were?"

I smiled a little. "Well, in a way I'm not who I wanted to be."

She bumped into me, playfully. "That's normal. I'm sure you set your standards too high."

I looked up at the sky. "Why?"

She shrugged. "You just seem to be worried with a lot of things even though you probably don't even have to. I don't know."

I smiled. "You're weird."

Grace giggled. "You have no idea."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough." She stood up and kissed me on my cheek. "Oh, and I'll tell her you said hi."

"Tell who?"

My cheek still glowed from the kiss. It was so nice and warm as opposed to how cold I felt. And the weather wasn't even cold, far from it. Even this late in the day, the city was still shrouded in heat. The damp ocean vapors insulating the city against the cold night.

She had been gently walking away, not even looking back as she whispered on the wind. "You'll see."

I wanted to run after her, but I didn't. I'm not even fully sure why. I suppose I didn't want to force my insatiable curiosity on her. It just felt like it would force her away or something. As frail as a butterfly, try to catch her, hurt her wings and she would perish. But wait patiently and she might dare to land on you.

And I had a strong feeling that person was not me. She didn't land on me, she just flutters past. There was someone in her heart. I could feel that much. And she cared for that person enough to be honest about everything. I was certain that even this simple kiss on my cheek would be told in all it's detail and glory. Not that I found myself particularly glorious at the moment.

I sighed and then looked up.

I'm not like this. I'm a person who cheerfully would sit in a tree to read a book. Oddly looked at by both girls and boys as they misunderstand the simplicity of it all. I'm a person who would gladly kiss a boy that has never been kissed, just to show him how beautiful he can be. I'm a person who does everything she possibly can for her friends even...

Even if I have to see them die right in front of me.

I cried.

But it was a good cry. Tears rolled over my cheeks, stained pink with the blood in them, falling to the ground. It was a really good cry, to let things go. To finally feel all those things cropped up in me of my father's death go away. To feel the images of his memory, the glass, the window, the shards, his body, the ground. The disastrous combination of them all, the final end to him.

I felt oddly comforted by that finality. While my friends' deaths had felt meaningless in a way, my fathers death was an end to all he'd done and was doing. No more lives that would be ruined by him, my own blood. My blood that was falling to the ground like he was.

Splashing on the ground like he was.

With teary eyes and in fascination I just stared at how my tears fell to the ground. Each and every one of them destroying their form upon impact. But it was good. Time slowed down. I could see every tear travel, fall, shape itself. The ripples along the surface when they released from my skin, the pressure within when they hit the ground. It was...

Life...

And death...

Together...

While my tears continued for a while, at least my head felt a lot less dreadful. In fact, it felt almost peaceful again. I knew that I would still feel sad and alone for a while, but there was a clarity to it. It was alright. And a little better than expected as well.

I got up, wiped my tears and took a deep breath.

And looked at my hands.

I'd live.

And closer to the mystery.