Dec 2009

Chapter 5Feeling better

The world had not been kind to me.

For a long time, my whole existence was nothing more than viewing the world through the eyes of someone else. Like being trapped in a room with a window, but the room is you. My mind had snapped, in a way, a few years before. It meant not that I still registered everything, as I can recall it now, but had little to no control over what I said or felt. It was strange to go through all of this.

And yet...

Time was so different for me when I felt like that. Future things or events even on the other side of the world, were all in my grasp. But, like a kid trying to build sand-castles in the middle of a rainstorm, there was no way to hold on to any of it. The knowledge I did lose was what I never was supposed to have in the first place. All that was left in my mind was the imprint of my words, my actions, but not my strange visions. It was a long shot, but because my body never physically experienced them, my memory couldn't contain them. It made sense.

Then we travelled.

It was his idea, to go somewhere else to refresh my mind. It wasn't something I was too keen on, even in my moments of clarity I felt fragile. But as always my trust was in him fully, he knew me longer than anyone and would protect me. It wasn't the first time I travelled somewhat further, but Afentis took me where I had not expected to be for a long time.

The desert.

Why this had entered his mind, I don't know. The sand, shapes and sounds held little interest to me, even if the dry place was drenched in history. But, it wasn't my history, just that of other people. But, like it was nothing, he had a place there that was deep underground with walls covered in strange markings I had never learned to read. Not consciously anyway. Looking at them did bring flashes of gold and blood. They were to be avoided ever since.

But the interesting thing was not that he took me there, but where he put me to sleep. A large rectangular slab of stone that was in the middle of a square room. I liked the room, for it was relatively cool and void from hieroglyphs, but there was something about it that irked me. Perhaps it was that, for some reason, it appeared to be lit subtly without any light. The whole thing was scary and comforting at the same time, strange and yet... known. When Afentis led me into the room, I had a moment clear enough to know that he wasn't going to stay with me.

"You want me to sleep here?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"Without you?"



"It's hard to explain, let's just say this room is build on a focus point in the earth. If you lay down there, you will see soon enough."

Trusting him, I did as he asked. He had left the chamber before my head laid down on the stone slab and...

Where do I start?

Imagine a perfectly still surface of water, then a single drop falling in causing a ripple. But the ripple quickly changes to flow inward again, towards the drop. All the chaos in my head, all the odd variants of time and perspective were laid bare in front of me. A sudden silent storm rushing all through my head, washing away so much of the confusion. Almost in an instant it felt like I was washed clean of all the turmoil that had plagued my weary mind.

An instant that, apparently, had lasted for five months.

That moment of perfect clarity messed so much with my perception of time that I didn't notice how much of it had passed. Afentis was in a separate room that I could only appreciate now that my whole vision was clear again. The reds and gold in the room reminded me of the gold and blood I saw in the markings on the wall, but it was just carpet and cups. Candles lit the room and a stack of books stood next to where he was reading. It looked like he'd read most of it already. It was great to finally think without obstruction and there was something I really wanted to ask him. He had spoken about her so much while my sanity was less than ideal. Perhaps he felt better talking to someone who wasn't fully able to hear, but it stayed in my memory.

He looked up when I opened the door.

"Sleep well?"

"Yes, how long?"

"Five months, three days and a few hours. You look much better."

I smiled. "I feel better. You really miss her, don't you?"

This surprised him, it was a moment before he responded. "Yes."

"Why don't you go look for her, I'm safe now. I can take care of myself."

"It is her freedom to roam the earth, I won't stand in her way."

What was a girl supposed to answer to that? Nothing I could think of, it would have to come up later. "Can we go back to the castle?"

"Of course."

It was two years later before she came back, Amy I mean. And best of all, she brought with her someone that I nor he had expected. A small gift of company that would bring back too many memories. But even immortal souls need reprieve at times. It did make me wonder how much Amy herself had changed...

In the shadows, in the castle, I waited until the reunion was completed. Choosing to be a pawn and not a player for a moment in time.