These are a few observations that I've had running several communities myself and watching those run by others.
Nothing I say here is in any way scientific or "true". They are my opinions and thoughts, please take them as such.
The more people you have together, the higher the chance of misunderstandings. A joke for one is an insult to another and when people don't talk things out, friction grows.
It's not possible to make everyone happy, no matter how hard you try. And it's not easy for someone who runs a community to get this.
As for being pulled into drama, the best you can always do is tell people to take care of their own problems. Their life is not your responsibility.
In an ideal world, we would never have to write specific rules for a server. Rules like: "Don't PM without permission, live and let live" etc. should, ideally, all be common sense.
But is it? The world is full of people that are wildly different. And the more people you have, the higher the chance that they are all different. They have different values, different expectations. Can you expect them all to behave?
Would they all even know how to?
Some communities have a lot of rules, some only a little. I tend to lean towards as few rules as possible. But there is no perfect solution. The best you can do is try to inspire people to behave by example.
The one thing I have noticed is that the more rules you have, the more you try to control it... the more it goes out of control. Twitch chat/AGDQ are good examples of this.
If you gather nice people around, generally it will go fine. Some minor hiccups can occur but the group can bounce back from that as well.
Mostly I just choose to let things happen by themselves. You can't control everything.
Oh, and remember, behind the names are real people.