Chapter 104Of Water and Cloth

The dance lasted all through the night and made me tired in a very good way. When finally the sky began to lighten in the coming of dawn I knew it was time to sleep. Sleep I needed so dearly. I wanted to sleep for a week. Not a bad idea actually.

But I still needed a place to sleep. A place where I could rest my weary body.

Almost without thinking I had walked to that one tree that had been my friend before. It had held Khuna as dear as I had, felt me between it's branches and grown around me through my years. I had even slept beneath it once and I decided to do so again, feel the warm embrace of the roots around me. Experience the sounds again, dampened by the earth around me.

I started to dig, lifting up the grass carefully so hardly any trace would be left. It surprised me how easy it was, how instinctive I could hide underneath the earth silently and swiftly. The last time it was in a rush and I was in no state to enjoy myself but this time was different.

This time I could feel everything. It was amazing.

Like a thick blanket the sand pressed against my skin. I half-expected it to be cold but I presumed my skin could easily stand it. It was almost pleasantly cool, like a fresh summer breeze. And the ground, though mildly damp, did it's best to keep me away from the world. As I pushed through the earth and got deeper, all sounds died away and left me in silence.

All covered.

Besides a rip in the grass-mat there was hardly any evidence of me sleeping below. I would be safe here, so very safe.

As the dawn drew near I let myself slip into that soft loss of consciousness on the edge of dreams. Softly, I expected the fade to black like the ever, dreamless sleep, but it did not come.

It was strange this time. Somehow I felt like being in a deep sleep, but also I could still hear the sounds of the world outside. All mixed with the beating of my heart. Rhythms and counter rhythms moved me, the beat of my heart, footsteps, running, jumping playing. All in one.

And my eyes... Where was the black that kept me... Instead I saw shimmers of people moving around as if I was sitting in the tree like before. But they were not memories, they felt like recreations of the sounds above in my mind. But they didn't bother, instead they were more like a dance for me.

I felt the day pass, minute by minute and savored everything of it. And all the while, everything felt like falling into place. Time just vanished, moving so fast I could feel a day, two days, five days pass. But still I was aware of every second. Every laugh and tear felt by those above me.

A week passed so easily. Like a rush of burning ice it had cooled and warmed me. I rose silently as soon as evening came on the day I was supposed to meet Afentis again. But I didn't want to meet him like this.

Kai had taught me how to get money through some backup credit cards at the safe houses. I got into one through the window that was always unlocked. Not that anyone who couldn't jump this high would ever find that out. It was very close to an ATM so getting some money was easy enough. And fast enough.

Now clothes. Completely ignoring the people in the city I went for the two places I got to know the past weeks. And I guess I still wanted my kind of fun looks back. I was aware I probably looked a lot like a bum, but i cleaned up as best I could and went in.

Even in the bright neon light there were only few people noticing me. Most of the people there just busy with their own life and had no space for a homeless girl buying clothes. Knowing I shouldn't push my luck I didn't try anything on. I knew my size by now and since I didn't grow anymore it was easy enough to judge clothes.

Long white socks, panties, a simple cute white shirt with a dark purple stylized butterfly this time. I chose a long striped skirt to wear beneath it with the same color scheme but no special markings. I did see something else with the butterfly again though. A coat, a beautiful long elegant cotton coat in soft white with black stitching and the same purple butterfly subtly on the chest.

I loved it!

While I was smiling as I paid for it, I didn't speak. In fact I was still afraid of how I looked and how I'd sound. The cashier girl didn't really say anything about it, but her eyes weren't very friendly toward me. She did give me a nice bag with everything in it and smiled kindly at me as I left, even if it was simple store policy.

The shoe store was a bit more of a problem. They didn't want to allow me in until I showed them I had more then enough money (and a good excuse) to buy shoes like that. They weren't entirely convinced when I told them I just had a rough day in the park and my mom told me to buy new clothes and shoes because of it. Even if it was partly true. I didn't spend much time there, just got some white sneakers from a decent durable brand and got out.

Size might matter.

But mine will never change.

A shower is all I wanted until I could dress myself again. I walked to the same simple hotel where I met my mother before. It may be a place of memories but I did have a good nice shower there and the place didn't look too expensive. I could rent a room for an hour and take a good shower and freshen up. My feet took me there swiftly but I paused and sighed as I arrived.

Let's hope they don't remember me.

The clerk at the front desk was different from last time, which was nice. He did look at me oddly, but as I paid in advance and explained to him I just wanted to freshen up to catch a flight (not entirely untrue) he let me through. It probably was destiny or pure irony that I got the same room as before. It was slightly different though. Used so many times in the meantime I noticed all those little things that people had left, moved or removed.

Evolution of a room. Fascinating if I had more time to watch.

The place felt slightly ominous but I ignored it. Probably remnants of my memories here. The shower was also only subtly changed with the soap and towels moved. It was then I finally saw myself in the mirror.

Definitely not as bad as I had expected. My skin still showed severe discoloring, but it looked more like a very old affliction or genetic defect then a horrible accident from a week ago. I turned away from the mirror and the shower on, breathing in the soft steam coming from the hot water with a smile. After I making sure the water wasn't too hot, I undressed quickly and stepped underneath it.

Bliss.

The water caressed my skin completely and filled me with warmth. After the dance that felt only minutes ago and the long sleep, it washed away all my lasting hurts and sorrows. I barely used soap as it only made me feel coarser then I was. The water alone was almost enough to clean me completely. My eyes closed as I stood as still as a statue, feeling the drops course along my body.

Only ten minutes or less I stood there, but the gentle bliss had rushed through me completely. I got out of the shower and dried myself, giggling a little as the rough towel fabric tickled me. I felt giddy with excitement and childish with joy.

I felt like me again, even if my looks did not agree with me yet.

Only once I glanced in the mirror, seeing my whole naked body reflected in the light. It was still beautiful but also very scarred. Darker and pale lines ran all across the right side of my body almost as if I had been cut in two and glued back together. But it already looked a lot more like skin. It had only been a week but it had healed far more then I had expected. But then again, his blood still ran fresh in my veins. Perhaps that was it.

Putting my clothes on with care I made myself presentable again. I cursed myself for not having thought of any useful stuff like brushes and lipstick. But I made do with what I had. Also, a quick search of the room helped me find an old comb in one of the drawers.

It couldn't have been longer then half an hour, but the girl stepping out of the room looked very different from the girl that went in. I moved differently as well, gone was the slightly stalking walk and back was the smiling, carefree walk of a child. I was ready to give Afentis my answer.

I had put all my old clothes in the shopping bag and gave it to the clerk as I told him to get rid of them or give them to charity or something. He smiled, nodded and turned around to put them in the back. I felt happy and turned to the door when I saw someone sitting in one of the chairs, waiting in the same place I was.

His face was covered with sunglasses and a hat. And yet it looked so familiar somehow. He spoke.

"What will you choose, Amy?"

Finally I recognized him.

Janus.