Page 80Liquid drum

The rest of the night was partly spend just wandering through the city, undisturbed by other people as I probably wore a strong aura of preoccupiedness (+2) around me. I got a few looks, but no one dared to walk closer or disturb my thoughts. There was nothing much happening either, no dangers or abuse that I could see.

Partly I wanted to tell Esmeralda everything that happened, but to be honest, I wasn't that keen on that idea. Plus the fact that I was still very, very sensitive made it a little too easy for her to seduce me. And considering our contact, it wasn't that unlikely. Not that I wouldn't forgive her, obviously. I just didn't feel like it now.

With those thoughts in mind, and confused by the intensity of every little thing around me, I walked back home. The house felt very empty. Though there were echoes of life, a lost letter on the floor, a bit of sand that must have been underneath shoes, there was no sound of anyone. No one home. Not even sleeping. Or at least that's how it felt.

I spend some time looking things up on-line, mostly about my fathers company. There was very little news from the past year. Almost suspiciously so. Just standard press releases of the company doing okay. Nothing suspect, not even news about him. Suspicious in the lack of information. I couldn't quite find out which company would be Seriph's. There wasn't exactly a list of security companies that were fighting each-other secretly.

After that I just wrote everything down that had happened to me, writing this as well. It feels weird speaking in the past tense while writing, but it feels a little better than trying to write any other way. As I read it back, it make a little more sense. And I've decided I'm going to take a shower at the very least before I go to bed.

The shower helped immensely.

It was... Amazing.

It was like every drop of water was a beat on a huge drum, and my skin vibrated with the reverberations. After just a second I was already completely giddy with sensation. It wasn't exactly like being caressed or lovingly touched, as there was a neutrality to it that made it light. Light in the sense that I could enjoy it without any worries, shame or holding back.

And enjoyable it was.

After a while, I just laid down on the ground, keeping the shower in a fairly low setting, but still warm, where it would drip over most of my upper body. It was very, very nice. The cold floor beneath me and the warm drops falling on me, caused actions and reflections of pleasure in my body that I was eager to feel.

After a long time, perhaps fifteen or twenty minutes, I had to shut the tap off. It was getting so intense that I was in an almost permanent dream-state of pleasure. It relaxed me to no end, but it wasn't something I wanted to keep on doing. At least I felt a lot better again.

Writing was so much more fun to do after all of this.

I am still shivering as I write this down, feeling the texture of the paper though the pen itself. I could almost imagine myself flying over it's surface, with dark discolorations forming beneath me and displaying my path on the horizon. Fascinated and curious I am staring at the paper now, seeing the words form almost from a distance, not able to change or influence their outcome anyway. A haze of meanings, a fog of motions.

My eyes were just birds above the landscape, looking at the world without worries, without connection. There was no need for food or hunting, no need to rest or mate. Just the flight, just the freedom.

From here it was just a few more line until my body would carry itself to bed and fall asleep. I know that I will leave this page open to read the following evening as I wake again. Just to verify that it wasn't a dream.

It wasn't.

This is all real.

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